By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize