i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
