gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize