He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
