So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just found a bag of teeth...
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
