Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
