is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
