i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
