You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize