Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(609): View more from New Jersey

apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink

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(609): apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink http://tfl.nu/9o16

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(630): View more from Illinois

Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work

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(630): Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work http://tfl.nu/uouq

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.

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(814): i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit. http://tfl.nu/riqs

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(806): View more from Texas

We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.

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(806): We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts. http://tfl.nu/2tox

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(716): View more from New York

I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?

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(716): I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone? http://tfl.nu/d362

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(917): View more from New York City

i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.

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(917): i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing. http://tfl.nu/nkz8

Replies (10) Good night (953) Bad night (3055) Order T-Shirt
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.

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(267): I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement. http://tfl.nu/314h

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.

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(778): I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk. http://tfl.nu/sd2y

Replies (10) Good night (3330) Bad night (742)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.

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(919): Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed. http://tfl.nu/csse

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(819): View more from Quebec

there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive

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(819): there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive http://tfl.nu/f5fj

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(646): View more from New York

How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog

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(646): How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog http://tfl.nu/iwbb

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(415): View more from California

Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.

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(415): Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/kxjk

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.

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(501): I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it. http://tfl.nu/ipd9

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(312): View more from Illinois

Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.

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(312): Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available. http://tfl.nu/293f

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(914): View more from New York

But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.

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(914): But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level. http://tfl.nu/ncka

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