My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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