my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....