apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
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After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
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Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped