just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
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There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
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LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.