umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.