i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'd cum for enchiladas.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
