theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
