Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
this hospital has no fireball
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Congratulations! We have a period
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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