Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
