dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
