Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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