Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
