Where did you get a picture of my penis
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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