textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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