think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
