He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
we made out on top of his cat.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
