Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dear god my vagina.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
