my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
