my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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