Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
