I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
