if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I showed him my bush... on skype.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
the raccoons are back...
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