highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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