Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
