there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
