your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
