just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
