oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
