so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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