i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
