it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
