I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
