I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She announced her abortion via fbk
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
