it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am available for nakedness
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
