Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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