Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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