Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
