I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
