it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
