If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
