It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
