WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
