What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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