Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My life is pants optional.
Randomize