I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
