I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
