like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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