We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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