I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
