I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
