I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
