im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
