Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
