Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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