My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
