How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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