We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize