so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
