Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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