last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
