so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
