I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
