So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
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All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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