really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
