I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
