i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize