I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
