threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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