Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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