did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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