it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
