I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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