This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
