Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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