He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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