there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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