Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
