if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
