who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
