May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
