just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
